Twice Lost

It isn't very often I write anything deeply personal on my blog or Facebook or on any public forum but I feel like sharing a bit about the man I loved.

Thirty years ago this spring, I met the man who became my husband.
Ours was a slow building romance, although there was attraction and chemistry when we first met, we were both let's take it slow kind of people.
After dating for two years, and living together for three, we married in 1991. Our 25th wedding anniversary would be July 6th of this year.

We loved each other. We enjoyed being together, traveling together, going to baseball games, spending time with our families. And we loved our kitties too. :)

However, as with all great romances and marriages, we hit some tough bumps in the road. We never had children so when times got rough, we each gave up too easily. We had difficulty moving forward and ended up separated. By the spring of 2003, we divorced.

The crashing ocean waves of emotions that a person experiences when they are struggling through a separation and divorce can never be underestimated.
I put on a brave face that communicated: I don't care... everything will be okay. When I really felt like I was dying a little bit everyday. My heart truly broke. At times it felt like there was an actual blade slicing away bits of my heart.

Once the divorce was final, and a few months had passed, something began to change. The anger, sadness, depression, and myriad other emotions, began to slowly dissipate into a feeling of... hope. I was embarking on a new life, a new beginning.

By the end of the first year divorced, we slowly (very slowly) began to become friends again. By that time I had moved to Maine from Massachusetts. I lived with our two cats in a lovely little cottage in the woods.

It began with a phone call. And truthfully I can't remember if he called me or if I called him.

But our friendship began again.

Two years later, at the end of 2005, I moved even further away down to the west coast of Florida. But our relationship continued to grow and we visited each other when we could. Our friendship blossomed and with it a little bit of hope that our love would bring us together again.

In the winter of 2010, he called me one night to tell me some terrible news.

 He had been diagnosed with lung cancer. 

My heart broke again... 

I've missed his loving friendship ~ and his wonderful infectious laugh ~

 every day since he's been gone.

John Henderson Mitchell

May 15, 1957 - March 29, 2011

You are missed!!